I'm going to be a Daddy! Whoa...

These were pretty much the first words out of my mouth when I found out we were pregnant. I started thinking about this because one of my friends asked me the other day over Facebook chat how I found out. When I typically envision this scenario, I picture a scene like in the movie "Knocked Up." The woman has some signs she is pregnant, takes a pregnancy test, and then breaks the news to the father at dinner where he invariably freaks out. I am happy to report this wasn't the way it went down with us. Jess waited for me to get home, took the test, and we basically found out at the same time. Definitely not as dramatic or funny, but I think its better that way.

It really reflects what we want our philosphy to be during the pregnancy: try as much as possible to experience it together. And were succeeding to various degrees. In some ways, Jess and I have different personalities. Jess is definitely the more proactive member of our partnership. She is always thinking ahead and planning for things before they happen. I am more of the fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants type. I'm the one who says "o crap I forgot to take care of that" after the fact.

Because of this dynamic, I am afraid that the responsibilities during the pregnancy will be unevenly distributed. Sofar Jess has done a lot of the prep work such as finding potential midwives and doing research (and proably a whole host of other things that I am missing). While I have tried to step up and do my part. We visited the midwives together (I am really excited about the midwife we have chosen, really dig their whole philosophy), and I have been trying to take care of other things like cooking more dinners and being more proactive about cleaning the condo.

But I feel like there is more that I could be doing and don't have the type of mind to focus on doing it. And that's the thing that scares me. If I am feeling that I am not carrying enough of the load now, what happens when the baby gets here and, as everyone tells me, it gets harder? I really don't want to be a screw up of a dad or husband. I know it sounds cliche but I feel like the best I can do is try to improve everyday and say I'm sorry when I screw up. Luckily, I am married to the only person in the world who understands and loves me like no other and who motivates me to be a better person.

I will probably be writing updates on how this struggle is going as the pregnancy progesses, but in the meantime, if anyone has any tips for me, please don't hesitate to share!

Andy